This project began in a basement, knee deep in the boxed remnants of a destroyed life (maliciously self inflicted), in a little backwards mountain town, nestled into the jagged geographic anomaly of Southern California. “Sven Ellirand” was created out of the necessity for anonymity in said small town where everyone makes everything their business out of boredom and irrational arrogance, Sven being my first wife’s pen name, and Ellirand being my second’s, at the end of which this journey began. In the quest to find a catchy title to accompany my then controversial work, in a sad, fumbling attempt to find an audience with which my actual life hadn’t already tainted the perception of, I Died At Birth seemed to be the only option, which I only thought of because I grew up with the story that I did, literally, and that was obviously attached to a more nihilistic philosophy to match where I was in my life at the time, tagged with the obligatory “why the fuck am I still here?”...because in my twisted reality, I knew what it felt like to die before I experienced birth, choked to death by my mother's failed heart.
I Died At Birth evolved over about five years to a completely different approach to my work, documented in the original blog, the madness of which, as defined by the exact distance between the way things are and the way I think they ought to be, came to an end in the core of my attitude as 2014 came to an end, and eventually became a philosophy that reflects how I’ve felt about this whole existence since I was a child. The philosophy beautifully explains why I shoot what I do, and shy away from being a professional anything, much less a photographer. I am just a guy who does creative stuff, and follows the drive I’ve had, since I can remember, to document my life, for whatever reason, which currently exists on the new blog, regarding the latest tabula rasa.